REVIEW: THE CAPROLITES - GREY GHOST #55

Ahh The Caprolites. We've been waiting to review their disc for this week, GARAGE WEEK OF REVIEW OF ROCK WEEK, but in the interim, there was some silly drama between us and them. Unfortunate. You see, when people get sensy fensy, or generally are guilty of taking the internet seriously (which we most assuredly have been OJ of), you pretty much have to recuse yourself from any attempt at objective criticism. Let's face it, they called us cock-blowing do-nothings, and that does not lend itself to any detachment. It's not like we're Rolling Stone or Pitchfork or something - we don't have an editorial review board to make these sorts of judgments - just alot of money and a really big hot tub.

But we really wanted to review this and get the word out. We were, afterall, big fans of The Sporatics, and seeing as how The Caprolites are mostly the same band with a matching personnel addition and subtraction, we hatched a plan to remove ourselves from the process. So, what we did instead was use a broadcast picture message text advertising a plethora of liquids at the Skyline Network World International Extreme Headquarters, and created a focus group out of those who answered the siren's call (New Order reference completely un-intentional). Our final group of four reviewers get to retain both the beers and make-shift Joneses they were able to drink and their anonymity. And you, dear readers, get as close to an objective review of Grey Ghost #55 as we could figure out how to do. Here is the transcript of their real-time comments while listening to the EP, track by track.

Track 1 - LSD Killed My Mod

- High school marching band snare.
- LSD?
- LSD?
- I did LSD, it was nothing like this.
- Did John Sears record this? [Editors' Note: YES]
- How long is this song the same thing over and over?
- It's like LSD because at some point you start asking yourself when will it be over.
- Not a bad [song] part at all, just shouldn't have done it five times.
- It's the whole song?
- Kind of rocking
- It felt so good to them, they kept doing it.
- [in person on LSD voice] Oh shit did we just do this? No, lets do it again. Oh shit did we just do this? No, let's do it again.
- Woah did you see that?
- Are you still on acid?

Track 2 - Shake It

- I like this one
[focus group is hand-clapping along to the beat]
- This makes me wiggle
- It's a surf song
- I think they might be a surf band.
- I like the funky bass line
- Me too
- I see what you mean about the lyrics
[more group hand clapping]
- They're all kids, right?
- Maybe they're so ADD that they can only interest themselves playing the same parts.
- I like this one.
- Woah another part!
- It's a good party jam.
- What's the dance where you go like this [swings arms up and down]?
- The Monkey
- It seems like you could do The Monkey to this.
- Or The Swim
- It seems like a bunch of kids in the 60s, no the 50s, like Greasers. [This song] may bring the Greasers and the Soches together.
- This song will bring together the Sharks and the Jets.
- I like this song.
- If you have two gangs in formation facing off and snapping at each other, it seems like Gidget would come out and put this on and then there would be a beach dance party and then everything would be ok.
- They would drink malts together
- It's grungier than that.
- They would bust out knife combs.

Track 3 - I Do What I Want

[track starts out with band member saying 'Phantom of the Opera']
- haha stupid.
- Theater! Drama!
- They got the whole riff thing down.
[Focus group members bob their heads to the song]
- This could be adr's theme song.
- This is my new favorite party band.
- If they weren't such assholes on the [Hands Up Houston message] board, everyone would love them.
- Isn't this basically the Black Lips, like kind of a shitty pop band that supposedly parties but are actually 16?
- You want a Motrin?
- Ibuprofen and alcohol isn't bad.
- You know how many I have taken today?
- [playfully sings lyrics] I'm so drunk, I'm so high, I just wanna get some
- [playfully mimics lyrics] I'm 18, I'm so young, I'm so dumb, I got a guitar. Naah, it's not that bad.
- It's ok. I would never buy this record or put it on or stay and watch the show, but it isn't terrible. I have a different kind of ADD and I don't have time for this.
- I like this song.
- It's like that South Park where Cartman is all "I do what I want."
- I like the lyrics, hahah.
- I love these kids.
- I do what I want too, which is why I won't listen to this record.
- It's like they just discovered they're adults. I'm middle age, you can't tell me what to do. You know what it is, it's not super punk rock to say 'I do what I want' when you're 18. It's super punk rock to be Matt Murillo (The Ka-Nives) and be that way. "I'm 35 and I do what I want." When The Ka-Nives do it, it's funnier. When you're 18, you're supposed to do this.
[someone drinks a large bug in their drink, a roach, and everyone freaks out]
- Maybe we're too old to like this and that's why.
- We're old.
- I could totally see being into this when I was younger, even in my 20s, but not now. It's totally whatever though, it's fine.
- I can't believe they haven't started selling hamburger phones at Urban Outfitter yet.
- Let's go to a punk show.
- Let's go to Fitzgeralds.
- Let's go to sleep.

Track Four - Not Quite Right

- What was that sound?
- An elephant fart maybe?
- Is that [the person playing the bass] Roy Mata (Fatal Flying Guilloteens, Black Congress)?
[people mimic the way Roy shakes his head from side to side when he plays]
- It's the same thing, more of the same.
- The things that need to be said about this song were said about the other songs.
- It sounds like something from the 70s on vinyl that Larry Pirkle would find and be excited about.
- I like the other songs better, don't like the vocals.
- It's not quite right.
- I wish my High School garage band had sounded like this, like an authentic 70s band. I am really not the best person to ask about this, as I am not into garage bands.
- I am glad to have heard so I know what it sounds like.

There you have it. Our Focus Group's thoughts on the Caprolite's Grey Ghost #55 EP. Because this is a Grey Ghost it was in a limited run of 13 copies, all of which were placed at Domy Books, and none of which may still be there (but it never hurts to call them and ask). If not, you can actually download all these songs from their MySpace, or perhaps they'll have something to sell at their show Sunday at the Mink with PRMC, The Takes, Teenage Kicks and Boat. Thanks again to our focus group (sorry about the pizza - Red Barron FTW), and because, in the end the positives outweighed the negatives, we're going to go ahead and give this release a Recommended.