ATTN THIS WEEKEND: MY FACE, YOU ARE MELTING MY FACE! DO NOT OPEN THE DAMN ARK!

LOOK AT THAT GIF! LOOK AT THOSE FACES! THAT IS YOUR FACE! THAT IS OUR FACE! VAN HALEN IS THE POWER OF THIS WEEKEND. OUR FACES ARE ALL MELTED. Ok. Um, aside from the fact that we may have just called you, our blessed readership, and ourselves Nazis, that seems about accurate. The Proletariat is closing, and you can read our info on the final few nights here. If you don’t go early, you’ll most likely not make it through the door Friday or Saturday, that’s what we’re being told anyways. And we’re inclined to believe it, especially with the recent addition of DJ ADR and BDM to the line-up Saturday. Stones baby; it’s big. But, just in case you don’t get in the door, are underage or have been banned (which seems like an impossible feat), there is still a pretty Steve Austin kinda weekend left for ya. PANAMA:

FRIDAY
Fatal Flying Guilloteens, Whorehound, O Pioneers!!!, Cop Warmth @ The Proletariat
This is what you are doing.

Vinyl Ranch @ Leon’s Lounge
Saddle on up as a couple of the coolest cats this side of the Rio Grande potion the platters at Leon’s with a chuckwagon full of the golden hits that deserve to be in the same family tree as the Sun Records Catalog. We DJed this night last month and it was a helluva rootin’ tootin’ six gun shootin’ good time. This month their guest DJ is Chris Kairo, and it’s LADIES NIGHT, with 75% + jams by cowgirls! PRAIRIE FIRE!

SATURDAY
Firey Furnaces, The Dimes, Hearts of Animals, Elaine Greer, DJs ADR and BDM @ The Proletariat.
This is what you are doing.

SATURDAY SECRET SHOW @ THE SHADY TAVERN
DAAAMN 28s! I wonder who is playing this weekend? Here’s a hint: it’s The Jonbenet, Thurogood Wordsmith, Teenage Kicks and Lenny Briscoe. Now, you prolly know the Jonbenet by now, but may still be wondering what they look like in the daylight. Here’s your chance. Wordsmith, we are told, is a rapper who brought in 50 people last time he rocked it here with less than 24 hours to promote, so look for a good crowd again. Teenage Kicks is the new project from Kirke of Passionate Youth Thing, and we heard lots of rah rah on what he’s doing so check it. This is Lenny Briscoe’s first show. Party.

Digital Underground @ The Scout Bar
The Scout Bar is not neeeeearly as far away as you think it is. Seriously. You’ve driven to Austin to see shows that were in now way even as close to being as good as this is going to be. What are you doing with your life?

The Delta Block, Cop Warmth, The Krinkles, The Bleach Boys, The Aids Patients,Strugglebear @ The White Swan
KIDS THESE DAYS!! The best part about this show is Thursday’s hands-up post asking if there was anyone who could fill in for drums for the night. POST OF THE DAY!!

SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!
Parties Parties everywhere. Our pick is upstairs @ Rudz. Please do not talk during the commercials.

PS – BIG UPS! To our friend Eden, queen of Meatcake and keystroke seducer who may or may not have made the animated gif above but who first reveled it to us none-the-less.