YO! GI JOE AND COBRA ARE TOTALLY READY TO HELP YOU PICK OUT A SHOW TO SEE TONIGHT. STOKED?!

HEY! There are one million good things going on this weekend, and it all kicks off tonight with a formidable set of barn-burners. Sadly, we're in a total House of Pain due to last night's Shamrocks and Shenanigans, and barely able to even type out this fairly perfunctory introduction. Fortunately for you though, the forces of Good and Evil have teamed up to help you get a handle on everything going on tonight. We're not quite sure how, but apparently not a single local is playing. Phew. Fighting to save the day!

	I got all these skittles stuck in my grill, but its chill cause I picked em out using my British Knights. Also, does anyone have a can opener? I really would like to carve some bigger ear holes for the show tonight in my totally sinister all metal helmet. DIE DIE DIE! My pick is MIA, Paul Wall, Cool Kids @ Verizon
	Oh, hello children. Look at all your pretty matching hats! I'm the freaking dance machine all over the floor tonight for Of Montreal and Grand Buffet @ Numbers. No seriously children, I am all over it. Steaks anyone?
	I know what you're thinking - what's up with the mask? We'll it's kind of a personal thing and I feeling a little vulnerable right now so I need you to take a Nuprin and just lay off ok please? Alright, you're pretty nice - tell you what, I'll take it off at the Poison Idea show at Walters.
	So, like, I was listening to The Buzz the other night and I was all what IS THIS MUSIC in this commercial, and it turns out they were totally giving away tickets to Control which is about the life of Ian Flemming. Anyway, I'm totally going with my manager at Hot Topic to see She Wants Revenge at The Meridian. He has no idea this is a date. Yuss, Baroness STRIKES AGAIN!
	WHAT? HELLO! Ugh, good gravy Boost Mobile sucks. So anyways, I was walking down the street just minding my own business when this liz-wait hold on. HELLO? HELLO! I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU. YOU WHERE YOU AT FROG? I SAID WHERE YOU AT! OH YEAH, YOU HEARD ME FOO! OH FOR CHAMELEON? NO LIZARD? ANGRY SAMOANS AT FITZ? WELL WHY ARE THEY SO ANGRY, ITS NOT LIKE GATERS ARE ALL ANTI-SAMOAN AROUND HERE OR SOMETHING? OH THE BAND? CHILL! LATER KEMODO.
	I can't even imagine how pissed people are gonna be when they figure out that Fishbone is totally sandwiched in the middle of this otherwise unremarkable lineup at Warehouse Live and that they didn't hide there with me overnight after seeing Spoon so they didn't have to pay cover again. God being a ninja rules.

UPDATE

WOAH. Sorry I'm late dudes, I totally was scouting ahead and found out that that bitchin sweet as candycorn strummer and hummer Elaine Greer is playing at the Mink's Backroom tonight around nine. Woah, sure glad I check the comments section bro, might not have found that. Tite. So, has anyone seen Dog? He sure has been on that bounty a while. He never hangs out anymore. What a boscoe.