EXECUTIONS PUT ON HOLD IN PRE-EMPTIVE RESPONSE TO HAPPY HOUR BENEFIT

People who travel overseas know that one of the more cheek-rouging parts of being an American is explaining to citizens of the more chill nations of the world why we do some of the things we do: how we gonna be so rich and some people still don't got health coverage? why we wanna pretend we aren't going to war for oil when oil is the only reason one should go to war? why do we wear Crocs? But among the most oopsie-doopsie is the death penalty, which, even though intelligent people disagree about it, still puts us on the same red rover team as quite a few of the more unpleasant regimes around the world. And let's face it, government doesn't exactly bat a thousand, so when people's lives are on the line, we should proceed with caution.

Granted, the only worse way to die than being killed by the state is being murdered using one of the methods those on death row chose, but so far the death rate is 100% globally, and so judgment will come - might as well let those bastards get the booga-booga in jail for forty years before they go.

While we're still a ways away from getting all 21st century on this tip, executions in Texas are on temporary hold and the Supreme Court moves to consider a Kentucky case about the legality of the particularly lethal cocktail that we inject. BUT THAT DON'T MEAN THERE AIN'T SOME PARTYING TO DO!

Local civil war reenactor Dan the Bother has put together an anti-death penalty happy hour show at the Proletariat tonight with a line up to die for (that was so bad). Program, The Dimes and Wicked Poseur are all on the bill, and you'll be done and ready right in time for karaoke. Jolted!