ATTN JAPANIC, THE JUDY’S, THE GROCERIES, LUCKY MOTORS: YOU AIN’T SHIT!

The other day we, as we often do, we posted a link in our ‘Other News’ section to a Houston Press Houstoned Rocks entry about their impending “Houston 100: The Best Bayou City Songs.” And yes, we teased them about the more than ‘broad’ qualifications for inclusion:

To qualify, a song must be either by Houstonians or about Houston, or must have been recorded here or released on a local label.

Thus, “You’re Gonna Miss Me” by the 13th Floor Elevators would qualify – even though the band’s members were from Austin and Port Aransas, and that particular song was recorded in Dallas, the band’s label was located here.

Haha. Ok, we get it. It’s kind of a chuckleable reach, but hey – everyone is free to make their own rules for their own list. We checked back in today to see what the commentary on the post would be like, and weren’t we pleased as punch to see that the first reader suggestions included local heroes Japanic, The Judy’s, The Groceries (now Bring Back the Guns) and Lucky Motors. Yeah – that’s what we’re talking about, tight jams by bands that lived in this city, knew this city and embody the humid grit of our air-conditioned movie-theater parking lot condo crashers. STOKED.

Oh wait. Turns out there are more rules. SAYETH THE LOMAX IN RESPONSE:

We can't throw open the field to bands like Groceries, Japanic and Lucky Motors, simply because they aren't very well known outside of this area.

Believe me, I could fill up two or three top 100s with obscure songs by Houston artists, but we're not gonna do that here.

Nah, we ain’t gonna do something that fucking stupid, are we now – wasting readers’ time by exposing them to the known and unknown in the same list is for suckers! Why would he do that – it’s not like he’s writing the blog for the local alternative newsweekly or anything. NOPE! Better to pump out a list with such obvious and distinctly un-Houston hits as Destiny Child’s ‘Bootylicious’ (no shit –this is on Lomax’s tentative list) just because of coincidences in real estate rather than include people that know this city for real. And how in the name of buffalo turd mustaches does Scarface’s ‘My Block’ not make the first pass? Is there a more quintessential Houston jam?

Oh – and PS – even though obscurity apparently disqualifies you, popularity does not seem to be an antidote, as Lomax’s further comment about a Blue October suggestion indicates:

we aren't gonna base this on sales either, so don't expect me to bend over and take it from a crappy song like "Hate Me" just because it was the big single off an unaccountably popular album.

So to clarify, the Bayou City 100, is any song that was recorded in Houston, put out by a Houston label, is about Houston or was recorded by a Houstonian, however the artist must not be obscure though being popular is not included in the calculations for making the cut.

So.. what the Bum Phillips is this list then?

We’ve said it before; others have said it better – if you’re in a band who hasn’t been recognized outside the context of the city (and in many cases, even if you have), Lomax and The Press don’t really take you seriously. It’s completely impossible that you could be doing something of merit because you are from Houston. Which is to say that Spain Colored Orange’s sick shaker ‘Who Am I’, though featured in a national ad campaign, won’t make the list because of the band’s obscurity, though a track from the forthcoming Morrisey’s Greatest Hits will qualify because it was recorded in the 713. Fucking ridiculous.

But let’s end this on a posi-tip. Let’s narrow the criteria a bit and put it to you – what are:
1) Your favorite songs about Houston?
2) Your favorite songs written by Houstonians?

Two lists, open ended – share your thoughts in the comments. We’re off to lighten up with a light lunch and hopefully stumble upon a chill pill.