FORTHCOMING: BASSES LOADED, LAS PANTERAS NEGRAS, PORT OF LEBANON

Every now and then we catch word of projects in progress that haven’t quite reached the playing live era of their rockumentary, but their membership has such outstanding pedigree we can’t help but be a little toned up by it. This weekend we learned of three such bands, and we’re all waxed up to let you in on the scoop.

First off is Basses Loaded, a quartet that features not one, not two, but three bass guitars and a drummer. Freaking you out on lead bass is Ben (The Fcking Transmissions), Lee Walker (The Kants) on the middle bass, Anna Garza (Las Panteras Negras) on the low end and presumably synching up with atleast one of the above is Mike McBike (The Kants, Ghettoblaster, Cop on Fire and about one million other bands). Sadly there’s no known recordings or even descriptions of what this sounds like, so we are moving forward with the operational understanding that each crucial jam will sound similar to Spinal Tap’s ‘Big Bottoms.’

And what, prey tell, is Las Panteras Negras? Even less is known about this quintet of Latina heat, other than their being “noisy new wave punk rock; think Erase Errata vs. Black Flag with Kim Gordon as Godmother.” Not caliente enough for you? Well, now consider staring at a stage containing artist Maria Guzman, paranormal expert Diana Perez, turntablist Maria Chavez, Kimono Gina Rodriguez-Miller and, of course, Anna Garza of Basses Loaded. YUSS.

And finally, to complete our trio of gossip masquerading as sneak preview, we come to a band so fresh from the cell block floor that they don’t even have a name yet that we know of. So, if it’s all the same to you we’ll just go ahead and call whatever it is that Roy Mata and Bret Shirley are doing Port of Lebanon in honor of their respective former bands. Ok, honor is maybe the wrong word. HEY – WHO CARES WHAT THEY’RE CALLED, WOULD RIFFAGE BY ANY OTHER NAME NOT SHRED AS SWEET?