I am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been, a Member of Kiss Kiss Kill

While at the merch table of a show the other night, I was handed a copy of Worldeater vs. Not Common: A Split Label Sampler. “It’s terrible,” was the endorsement that came with the disc. But before I could toss it back on the table, or even ask the endorser how he had come into a stack of metal comps that his band wasn’t even on, I spotted a familiar name on the track-listings: Kiss Kiss Kill.

Way back when (like a year ago), I was in a group called Kiss Kiss Kill Kill. What a terrible name, you might be saying to yourself, and indeed you are correct. You see, way back before every band in the world was on fire, the hottest shit this side of the East River were band band band names, like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Hot Hot Heat. So, we thought “why not take it even further? FOUR WORDS! HELL YEAH!” and thus Kiss Kiss Kill Kill was born.

(Ok, if you believed that, then your opinion of me is pretty low and I’d like you to consider that I’m not as much of a tool as you think I am. What actually happened is that a record label sent us a nasty letter claiming that one of their bands already had the rights to our original name and so Damon from Boys and Girls Club thought it would be hilarious to have a contest at a club one night to re-name the band. We literally chose this name out of a hat. It was submitted by Domokos of all people.)

But anyways, back to Kiss Kiss Kill. In the interest of clarity, and to make sure that any snide remarks you make about either of these two bands are on target, here’s a helpful guide to distinguishing between the two groups:

	Kiss Kiss Kill Kill	Kiss Kiss Kill
Membership:	Indie rock Chumps	Art School Thespians
Teased for Sounding Like:	Interpol	Blonde Redhead
Actually Sounds Like:	Interpol	Nunsense vs. Santana
Sample Lyric:	“Please Stay Awhile / He’ll Never Find Us Out / Stay Awhile”	“I wanna follow you to Mars / Like A Thousand Full Guitars / Inside My Pants”
Claim to Fame:	Played least attended Hands Up Houston show of all times (w/Whirlwind Heat)	From the same city as the Liberty Bell
Compilation Appearances:	a mixtape by some girl in Brooklyn	Shittiest Metal Comp ever attempted
Promahoney Says:	"They thought I was in Dethro Skull."	"I thought this was a metal comp."